Friday, June 15, 2007
Sunday, June 10, 2007
The Adventures of Neon Ballz
Neon pulls up to location X. He gets out and finds the mayor checking his mail. “Whatsup, neon. I’m glad you could make it. We have made the breakthrough we have been waiting for. Come upstairs and we’ll talk about it.” This sounds good. ‘Perhaps the mayor has found a way to send me home’ neon thinks to himself. They walk inside and up the old wooden stairwell. The smells of fresh flowers and old wicker baskets permeate the air. Upstairs, the mayor ushers neon in and hands him a cigarette. “We analyzed your pod again using the newer dark time algorithm, and we think we know how to send you back.” Neon smiled, noting that in this case back was actually forward. “Who else knows about this?” neon asked. “No one but you, me, agent 23, and beppo. I have to admit, neon, I still don’t know that it’s a good idea for you to go back there.” Neon can see the concern on the mayor’s face. “I know . . . I know. But Fuck, I have to do this. We just stick to the plan, and when I get back make sure you have the seaweed.” A moment of silence passes. “Where’s my pod now?” “We’ve got it down at the yard. They are just putting a new shielding on it. It should be ready to go in no time.” Neon reflects for a moment, walks in to the bathroom and gets a piece of toilet paper, blows his nose, lights up a cigarette, stretches, yawns, and says “Then I’m ready to go in no time.”
Captain Hiram was driving with Rob Dobbs in a blue 1988 Buick regal down a river front stretch of the hot
Monday, June 04, 2007
Disappointing debates lead internet bloggers to speculate.
Another flaccid and lifeless political debate helped to fill the air waves with styro-foam on Sunday, leaving the internet community equally flaccid. Although a couple of token reviews were compiled, the underwhelming response to the pointless debates reverberates like the ringing of perfect silence; deafening to the ears, and chilling to the soul.
The kindergarden-esq feel of the debate left some bloggers to contemplate more objective themes of this election, such as gender and race gaps. Although these are compelling topics for discussion, it leaves other questions unaddressed. For example, what can be done about the disappearing middle class in
Calling forth a latin-named Demon, Phase 1
Sunday, June 03, 2007
Leftist Politics! The Democratic Presidential Debate
Since his eviction from the Sirius binary star system due to certain corporate copyright infringement motions brought against him by the sattelite radio industry, editor-in-chief BigAlDente has been keeping watch over the media stratum of earth culture from his new location in the STP friendly Castor Binary Star system from where he also broadcasts pictures and reassembled information blocks for the earth masses.
Amongst all the civil upheavals, revolutions taking place at this moment, conquests, and eradication of entire civilization that is concurrently taking place on the blue planet, one event came to the forefront of awareness of the deep space entity that publishes this very media medium: Today's Democratic National Debate.
After attempting to electronically track all uses of the word "Terror" and its derivatives, and the word "Suicide", the tracking instruments returned inconclusive readings as disruptive jamming signals made themselves present on the Style Transfer Protocol® device readout.
It only took a quick adjustment of the feed knobs to clarify that Senators Kucinich, Clinton, Obama, Biden,Edwards, The Professor, Mary Ann, Green Ranger, and Blue Ranger were all just foam injected molds of the same spongy substance. There was no debate. The media news talking head simply made political statements, and asked the participants to raise their hands if they agree or disagree. The political process has eaten itself. The political science of circle time in Kindergarten has now flopped itself on top of the national stage, for all to see. The utter uselesness of our process has been laid bare before the eyes of a public that does not care, nor should it. Not like this. So, the BigAlDente pick a winner pick of the week goes to: Senator Hillary Clinton! The goal here is change. Not change in rhetoric or political ideal, but actual, biological change. The America of Earth can push for a Black President in Senator Barack Obama, and that would be just fine. However, the advanced science of AlDente labs had discovered in 325 B.C. that the genetic distinctions between the races are so miniscule as to be dismissable. Senator Obama has a very high chance of having a higher genetic similarity to Senator Edwards rather than, say, Rev. Al Sharpton. This is fact. So, since on the genetic level to change the race of the president would really not be that much of a change, let's change the gender, shall we? This is where the revolution lies. Not in rhretoric or ideals, not in intangible thoughts and expressions. It lies in actual, real, physical metamorphosis of the position. A female president. So let me leave you with this one: In the words of the great C. Eliott Friday, "A bird has a left wing and a right wing, but they're just for flapping. The bird brain is in the middle."