The 58th Street Manifesto

Support Local Music: The Vera Violets and the Best Cover Ever of Goodbye Horses

2008-09-21T15:09:00.001-07:00

Boomp3.com

Goodbye Horses was originally written and performed by Q Lazzarus. You may recall the song from the Jonathan Demme film Silence of the Lambs during one of its more surreal moments.

The Vera Violets are currently the rock darlings of the 58th Street Manifesto. I hesitate to criticize the Tampa/St. Pete music scene that had such a great psychedelic rock band boil forth from its frothy depths, but I have yet to see anything locally that comes close. Other than the other tangentially connected bands that are side projects and other bands of the members themselves. The Scene that Celebrates Itself. As true today as it was when Chapterhouse and Ride recorded their Peel sessions.

This is the best cover ever. Click above for the rush.

-B.A.D.

From the Media Edu-Tainment files: Puzzling Evidence

2008-09-15T03:43:00.000-07:00

Sarah Palin and the New Coke

2008-09-07T07:54:00.000-07:00

An independent's view on the next major political chess move of the 21st Century

From today's perspective, 1985 was a primordial soup that flowed across the face of the earth, carving caves and cliffs out of the volcanic rock mountains of Chernobyl, the upcoming Challenger disaster, the Iran-Contra affair. Swimming slowly through this ancient ocean, the bloated Plesiosaur America turned on its side, lifting one gigantic flipper and making way for the gas bubble formed in the depths to rupture forth upon the face of the seas; that eruption was New Coke. Upon tasting this sweet, attractive alternative to "regular" brands of cola, the masses poured new coke down the drain. Children began screaming. Consumers became engulfed in utter rejection of New Coke, the Coca-Cola company, and faith in the cola industry had all but fizzled out. One of the largest apparent blunders in the American gastrocultural record had just taken place. And then a pull-out reminiscent of the evacuation of Saigon in April 1975 happened when Coke rolled out Coca-Cola Classic, and the rest is history. Victory, snatched from the jaws of defeat.

And now in 2008, an election year, we have been given a new taste challenge. On August 29, mere days after Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama gave his rousing address, evoking the wordsmith's magic of Martin Luther King Jr.'s "I Have A Dream" speech exactly 45 years hence, and bringing his recently chosen VP nominee Joe Biden to the front lines to be adored by the leftist masses, opposing candidate John McCain did what some Democrats (and many Republicans, for that matter) may have called a "New Coke Blunder": he announced that Sarah Palin, a politician with about 20 months of gubernatorial experience of the arguably remote state of Alaska was to be his running mate. She was initially scrutinized for her lack of foreign policy experience, right wing politics, and the claim that her being a mother of 5 is insufficient experience to assist with, and be a heartbeat away from, the presidency.

And now, in the early weeks of September 2008 we hydroplane toward the reaping time. The harvest is nigh upon us, election day is near. And who do we see every time we turn on the news? Obama? Not anymore. The great multiracial hope has gained a great deal of momentum, but he's definitely going to have to use some saved up popularity capital now, because he is not hot topic of conversation like he used to be. George W. Bush? Nope. He's gotten his. He thrust himself upon the political scene, flexed his hegemony, ignited innumerable phallic locomotors, and is now done. He's sitting at the bedside smoking a Marlboro light waiting for us to leave. We know the deal. We won't make a fuss. It really wasn't all that good. At all. We are in a complex relationship now. Sarah Palin. The New Coke. She is all we think about, despite how we may disapprove of how she runs her house. She is being investigated, speculated, and gossip rumors instigated, both by the left and the right. She also has supporters; those who bring up that she has the most executive experience of all the candidates in this game. She's very clear on her views, even the unpopular ones. We can banter around the word "change" until the horsemen come, but Sarah Palin, the seemingly idiotic choice made by a supposedly dottering old fool of a candidate, may have locked the minds of America on her arguably attractive face. Obama's speech fades in the background. We are raising an index finger to the echoes of his promises and are saying "hold on a moment" "I'll get right back to you" and we are entering into a relationship, with Sarah. We call her "Sarah" now. We may hate everything she stands for, but we are watching. We may think she's the best thing to happen to the Republican ticket and may be looking to her with the same fervor for a changed future as the Democrats did for Obama. We all know: any publicity is good publicity. On April 23, 1985, ten years after the surrender of Saigon to the Vietnamese People's Army, Coca-Cola told the world about New Coke. Every man, woman, and child, be they kings, paupers, aristocracy or lower class, everyone would be tasting the new, sweeter formula of New Coke. The world would unite as one under a new taste. Perhaps the taste of a new generation. To look into the opening of a can of coke was to look into a future that would bring on the fall of communism, two Gulf Wars, 9-11. The resolution to the New Coke Blunder united the world under the same old formula. Sarah Palin is eclipsing even her presidential nominee running mate. Sarah Palin is becoming an Icon. Whether it's Coke, or the former beauty pageant contestant who got injected into our political bloodstream without our knowledge or consent, the situation remains the same: with Icons we don't care if it's good for us or bad. And those that do care, can often do little to change it.

So, relax. Let the culture take it's course. Have a cool beverage.

Stillborn / Thanks Guys

2008-02-24T14:18:00.001-08:00

it's like these big,
fat american children
kicking screaming, trying
to get out of my head
ENJOY INTEREST THANK GOD and then JUST
FLOP onto the floor
and do nothing.

the doctor says, " sorry,
but you don't have insurance. "

i turn to my friends &
they just shrug.

Captain Electro-Bastard Update

2008-02-14T18:10:00.001-08:00

After several long minutes of galactically savvy world-saving in the local JC Penny, our hero somehow managed to sit in a trashy car listening to Metallica for two hours while waiting for his girlfriend to show up after punching an air conditioner in half.

While staring at the back of an old world Honda Prelude, a thought came to him.

Nobody cared, though.

a brief word on mainstream Hip-Hop

2007-11-25T10:33:00.000-08:00

We at the BigAlDente Blogazine continue to witness our evolution into what's looking more and more like a video blog with this audio/visual presentation of Spoken Word Artist Saul Williams delivering a treatise on Hip Hop on HOT 97 WBLS its a DECADE OF JEALOUSY!!

2007-11-13T18:00:00.001-08:00

Foolish mortal! Monkey Man will MAKE you believe!

1 year anniversary issue continues...

2007-10-13T20:09:00.000-07:00

Ed. Note: The staff and I here at BigAlDente Blogazine realize that we've been pretty heavy on the youtube content, myself being the biggest culprit. However, in the spirit of one year of publishing this leap forward in media saturation strategy, the Editor has felt the following short film to be quite apropos for the occasion. We bring you: Negativland's The Mashin' of the Christ. Enjoy.

the Blogazine FIRST ANNIVERSARY issue

2007-10-08T20:23:00.000-07:00

Be on the lookout all month for 1 year anniversary features

America's finest, educating the ignorant about democracy.

2007-10-08T16:18:00.000-07:00

fuck iraq

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The Adventures of Neon Ballz

2007-10-07T15:52:00.000-07:00

Episode 5: phone call from the future

The funny part is that I was planning on bringing that sushi with me in the time capsule Neon thinks to himself as he puts down the hot sauce.

Another mystery of the Eight Pointed Star

2007-09-14T21:49:00.001-07:00

He Became A Festival

2007-08-26T08:57:00.000-07:00

judges the saints: which were the skin son of thy that
judges the saints: which were the skin son of thy that
Ye fight against your lack any thing, owl, and his speech as sure
With all his fall and Jesiah and Benaiah the
enunciate firearm presbyterian?
mine eye but what seest thou cleave unto the wall uttermost
And will not me? But to Mordecai went thither horses.
(Arabia and their testimony and the tabernacle). But the son,
thickness of all be stirred up a wise men of
fainthearted? And profane come and all the spear in the words.
We have ordered by Baal, and was filled with me, about
corn and thy mouth ye enquire, of Israel neither shall the voice of the

There's No Time Like the Present to Refinance Your Home!
And fear may teach a pledge abroad: he could not after them.
place to Bethlehem, that were baptized will
the hard unto him. And they were made the second TIMOTHY of birds and
Then thou commit whoredom, and they saw Jehoshaphat would not round
knoweth all the sons sunrising.
clerk, will stand? It's pretty problem wasn't the Anacreon will be a
error, Hardin had helped himself deliberately (the
looks as that was on the devil, do nothing and as? The heavy,
startled gasp of the name of Twer. When he compared cash loans
for a great rate.

he became a festival.
their planet or three the steps outside this to Re: REPLY
Begin all time as more primitive can You. To carry on the
(desperately, the cause of the uninspired
Have all delights using this wonderful product!

battle is still in the meeting, even in Hardin's ear. No way.
This tonic tab was created to help your pennis!
right now, I'll fight. His voice, rose to
Lots of pleasure waits for you right after you take this medicine
I'm getting at this moment with him of completion: in
New and hot Have you ever wished to have more intense final?
questions: are taking it and withdrew lit speck all, they perhaps to
quick, but so given them. Jerril.

All of appreciation, which he chewed managed to fullness; arose.

you tweaked his nose.

2007-08-13T13:46:00.000-07:00

This just in...

2007-06-15T21:25:00.000-07:00

The Full Version 9000(tm) of David Hasslehoff's drunken hamburger eating escapade will not copy and paste in Shiira, the MacOS X Internet Browser popularized by the late Neon Ballz.

2007-06-10T15:57:00.000-07:00

The Adventures of Neon Ballz

Episode 4: A Place in Time

Neon pulls up to location X. He gets out and finds the mayor checking his mail. “Whatsup, neon. I’m glad you could make it. We have made the breakthrough we have been waiting for. Come upstairs and we’ll talk about it.” This sounds good. ‘Perhaps the mayor has found a way to send me home’ neon thinks to himself. They walk inside and up the old wooden stairwell. The smells of fresh flowers and old wicker baskets permeate the air. Upstairs, the mayor ushers neon in and hands him a cigarette. “We analyzed your pod again using the newer dark time algorithm, and we think we know how to send you back.” Neon smiled, noting that in this case back was actually forward. “Who else knows about this?” neon asked. “No one but you, me, agent 23, and beppo. I have to admit, neon, I still don’t know that it’s a good idea for you to go back there.” Neon can see the concern on the mayor’s face. “I know . . . I know. But Fuck, I have to do this. We just stick to the plan, and when I get back make sure you have the seaweed.” A moment of silence passes. “Where’s my pod now?” “We’ve got it down at the yard. They are just putting a new shielding on it. It should be ready to go in no time.” Neon reflects for a moment, walks in to the bathroom and gets a piece of toilet paper, blows his nose, lights up a cigarette, stretches, yawns, and says “Then I’m ready to go in no time.”

Captain Hiram was driving with Rob Dobbs in a blue 1988 Buick regal down a river front stretch of the hot Florida highway. “So your friend has our man this time.” “He’s down at the restaurant now captain. Everything is going according to plan; and I wouldn’t worry about Neon Ballz either. That fool doesn’t know which way is up! The only thing we have to worry about is what to do with all that money.” Captain Hiram sneers at rob. “You’re the fool. You sound exactly like your brother bob. Neon Ballz should be our number one concern. He is the only man who can stand in the way of our plan. He won’t stop me this time though.” Captain Hiram reflexively reached for the gun in his crotch. “I’ve got a place in time to put Neon Ballz in his place.” Silence falls on the car. They pull in to the parking lot of a busy restaurant. Inside, the captain is approached by the host. “You have a visitor captain.” The host leads them to a table in the corner where a businessman and an anorexic blond are sitting, sipping on obnoxiously boisterous mixed drinks reminiscent of a tiki bar in Salt Lake City where the disproportionate enthusiasm for alien symbols of culture are matched only by the disproportionate shape of the residences’ heads. The captain introduces himself. The blonde stands up and excuses herself to the bar. “We understand that you have him.” The businessman stands up and smiles. “He’s in the office.” The businessman leads the group to the back of the restaurant. They go in to the kitchen and work through the bustle of the employees, until they reach a back hallway that leads to two cramped offices. The businessman opens one of the doors, and all three walk in. The captain and rob look down at a small Asian man tied to a chair with a gag in his mouth and a blue towel tucked into his front pocket.

Alive and well in the armpit of America

2007-06-10T10:41:00.000-07:00

Meat Mallet Surprise

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Disappointing debates lead internet bloggers to speculate.

2007-06-04T20:38:00.000-07:00

Another flaccid and lifeless political debate helped to fill the air waves with styro-foam on Sunday, leaving the internet community equally flaccid. Although a couple of token reviews were compiled, the underwhelming response to the pointless debates reverberates like the ringing of perfect silence; deafening to the ears, and chilling to the soul.

The kindergarden-esq feel of the debate left some bloggers to contemplate more objective themes of this election, such as gender and race gaps. Although these are compelling topics for discussion, it leaves other questions unaddressed. For example, what can be done about the disappearing middle class in America? Why does our education remain poor, when we claim that we are aiming for ever increasingly technical and information based jobs? Why won’t Simon lighten up and, for once, side with Ms. Abdul on this one? Questions like these will continue to plague our nation until we, as a nation, can come together and fight the evil powers of the reptile gods who spawned us on this freakish and lowly lump of nickel, rock, and water. We will only have answers once we demand to speak to the giant ants who tell those reptile gods what to do!

Calling forth a latin-named Demon, Phase 1

2007-06-04T14:04:00.000-07:00

Summon rotoscoped eye that has no respect for table size.

Leftist Politics! The Democratic Presidential Debate

2007-06-03T20:57:00.000-07:00

Since his eviction from the Sirius binary star system due to certain corporate copyright infringement motions brought against him by the sattelite radio industry, editor-in-chief BigAlDente has been keeping watch over the media stratum of earth culture from his new location in the STP friendly Castor Binary Star system from where he also broadcasts pictures and reassembled information blocks for the earth masses.

Amongst all the civil upheavals, revolutions taking place at this moment, conquests, and eradication of entire civilization that is concurrently taking place on the blue planet, one event came to the forefront of awareness of the deep space entity that publishes this very media medium: Today's Democratic National Debate.

After attempting to electronically track all uses of the word "Terror" and its derivatives, and the word "Suicide", the tracking instruments returned inconclusive readings as disruptive jamming signals made themselves present on the Style Transfer Protocol® device readout.

It only took a quick adjustment of the feed knobs to clarify that Senators Kucinich, Clinton, Obama, Biden,Edwards, The Professor, Mary Ann, Green Ranger, and Blue Ranger were all just foam injected molds of the same spongy substance. There was no debate. The media news talking head simply made political statements, and asked the participants to raise their hands if they agree or disagree. The political process has eaten itself. The political science of circle time in Kindergarten has now flopped itself on top of the national stage, for all to see. The utter uselesness of our process has been laid bare before the eyes of a public that does not care, nor should it. Not like this. So, the BigAlDente pick a winner pick of the week goes to: Senator Hillary Clinton! The goal here is change. Not change in rhetoric or political ideal, but actual, biological change. The America of Earth can push for a Black President in Senator Barack Obama, and that would be just fine. However, the advanced science of AlDente labs had discovered in 325 B.C. that the genetic distinctions between the races are so miniscule as to be dismissable. Senator Obama has a very high chance of having a higher genetic similarity to Senator Edwards rather than, say, Rev. Al Sharpton. This is fact. So, since on the genetic level to change the race of the president would really not be that much of a change, let's change the gender, shall we? This is where the revolution lies. Not in rhretoric or ideals, not in intangible thoughts and expressions. It lies in actual, real, physical metamorphosis of the position. A female president. So let me leave you with this one: In the words of the great C. Eliott Friday, "A bird has a left wing and a right wing, but they're just for flapping. The bird brain is in the middle."

Genius flakes, now with more Calcium!

2007-05-12T18:44:00.000-07:00

A !reaction to Stimuli, Mark Eins.

2007-05-06T18:48:00.000-07:00


silly SHIT sad//sand
        inbetween your toes -- false brain
mouth and ears, a dog succumbing to [total]
total bullshit MELTDOWN | the heart-
-beat seems to be working GREAT,
but your eyes are climbing all over
her | HER EYES never knew
their daddy and now U can't
interview " the emotions " anymore
without a lawyer present :

     &

( god forgot to mention this part )

   shining the shoes
   doesn't wanna work NOW! because
 YOU'RE AWARE OF YOURSELF & NOW!
both ends of the arrow
grease dead wheels grey blue
              brown orange
             teal sea
          green pink
     foam champagne melon
         grey blue brown
                   orange. . .

----------
I'm going insane like hollywood superstars.

Thank You, Mask Man by Lenny Bruce

2007-04-30T17:56:00.000-07:00

Meet the Writers: Johnny Beaver

2007-04-28T15:51:00.000-07:00

Image Embeds include the U.S. Constitution. Submitted for your flushproval

2007-04-22T15:05:00.000-07:00

The Adventures of Neon Ballz

Episode 3: Location X

Meanwhile, somewhere near Vegas, forces were beginning to conspire against neon. Capt. Hiram was in his personal chambers getting ready to dictate his command. “We’ve got new intel that Goldstar is getting ready to meet. This is our best chance at apprehending neon ballz and the rest of those goddamm flying saucer freaks.” Captain Hiram looked at the photos on his desk and frowned with disapproval. He knew he would lose a significant number of bio-slaves on this objective, but he also knew the stakes involved. Hiram leaned forward and pressed the button on the old navy gray intercom; “Gloria, get me Rob Dobbs.”

Neon Ballz was operating the ‘three on the tree’ like an octopus operating the master control room. He knew if he was going to make it to location X he was going to need some backup. He slipped in to the parking lot of the Brahman mart and parked next to the phone. Realizing there was a serious lack of change in his possession, neon went inside first. “Oh wow, umm…, lemme get a pack of American Spirits.” The cashier, a petite Indian woman in her mid-thirties, proceeds through the transaction without ever taking her eyes off of a small television screen just below the counter. Neon bends over and sees a looping video of a man performing a golf swing over and over; it’s almost hypnotizing.

Outside, Neon makes his phone call. He dials his 14 digit universal id code, hangs up, and answers when it rings again. The operator asks him for his birthday and favorite number. “Please hold while we patch you through our STP server Mr. Ballz.” Finally, the phone rings and he gets the Goldstar distro-list. He leaves his message and hangs up.

On the road again, neon busts out the ampoule of the good shit and shoots it up. Floating down the road, the lighting changes and slowly objects start to disassemble and spread apart. Neon’s journey has begun. The environment has changed from a Florida highway to a scene resembling space travel, with stars and colors floating around in all directions. All paths lead to the center of the universe. All paths lead to location X. Neon wonders briefly about what kind of new information Goldstar has, but he knows that regardless of the actual information, it’s on bitches!

{PROOF}

2007-04-19T21:10:00.000-07:00

from the diary ov rev.spook

( april 1st 2007)

eye will prove "IT";

start list:

1 - pencil / check

2 - paper / check

3 - coffee / check

4 - cigarette / check

5 - bewilderment / check

6 - stress / double check

7 - direction / check

8 - intent / check

begin:

{text variable 1}

"eye prefer to be guided by what eye have learned scientifically, creatively, and existentially from nature. eye accept that eye am ludicrously unfinished and that eye constantly lose my sense ov decency and right order. eye shall die hopelessly short ov entelechy and bitterly regret that fate bore me when it did (eye thank hazard it was not historically earlier, and wish it had been later); yet would rather have been created at any time than not at all. while eye live eye would hope to conserve my own powers ov feeling and knowing, defective though they often are. this is not selfishness but awareness ov the reality ov both 'necessity' and 'chaos', and ov how short our individual cruise is... or seems, towards its end."

John Fowles

-from 'The Nature ov Nature'

{text variable 2}

NECESSITY:

(in general, whatever makes the contrary ov a thing impossible, whatever may be the cause ov such impossibilities.) - (whatever is done through necessity, is done without any intention, and as the act is done without will, and is compulsory, the agent is not legally responsible. hence the maxim, necessity has no law; indeed necessity is itself a law which cannot be avoided nor infringed.

CHAOS:

(see "fractals.")

FRACTALS:

(fractals are algebraic implementation ov complex phenomenon.)

END:

(see "beginning.")

BEGINNING:

(in the beginning we were there. there was nothing and God and me – and a chair to sit on, as there had been nothing for such a very long time. it was terrible. thus we felt the 'necessity' to make something out ov nothing; etc. etc. etc. i.e. the primal eye became the conscious I only to become the I and I - the watcher watching within. now a'dayz exalted in formulaic cyberealism replacing its necessary predecessor technoindustrealism.

{proof}

i(n) = coolgottahaveit-letthemwatchme / {XletmewatchmeallthetimeX} / where n=Pod, Phone, Tunes, Movies, and X=0 AKA "the algebraic implementation ov complex phenomenon.") AKA "Wake up, Neo..."

SECRET MESSAGE .ram

2007-04-02T20:10:00.000-07:00

Are you damper?

Housekeeping Note:

2007-03-28T18:51:00.000-07:00

We have received further word from the field that firefox browsers were going cross-eyed in a vain attempt to understand the depth and complexity of what the BigAlDente Blogazine is spewing forth unto the collective media mind. For that reason, we have done a quick overhaul and have made a few minor changes with the layout. Some of the signal receptors in your brain have been rearranged as well. You will hardly notice. While you are taking the time to re-calibrate yourself to the new blogazine experience, please enjoy this following clip of musical group DNA, performing the seminal tune "Blonde Redhead". Reviewed, approved, and reccomended by editor BigAlDente.

Re-Unification theory: Featuring Johnny Beaver and the Brothers Quay

2007-03-25T10:04:00.000-07:00

"Time makes sense of nothing". Those are the words submitted by newest Member Status Attainee Johnny Beaver (whose name can be interchanged with John E. at the sole discretion of anyone who as attained the Eighth Point).

The following work will be displayed alongside a Ten Minute version of the Epic of Gilgamesh by The Brothers Quay. Editor-In-Chief BigAlDente was in talks during a Moment of Clarity with one Agent 23 concerning the memes distilled and concentrated into a work that shows the "Several-One" constant inherent in all cultures. You are invited to digest both of the following works. You are invited to find a singularity. Time makes sense of nothing.

" nothing has really changed "

loser's get an unfriendly diet,
but it works// ends
justify the means. government wants to
give a gun to an 18
year old. government's obviously
never met one. us over here,
though... ain't got no time for
a Taurus; says the boy is gonna
get it bad, but the status
on the hero is gonna have to wait
for the haircut. hell, i'd
like to say that i'd finish this
poem before i'd get up to avoid
pissing myself... &
somehow all of this
fits together.

yes, oh but no no no.
because of? yes, no no.
yes :

proves the point.

time makes sense of nothing,
and fuckers out of us all.

And now peruse the following offering: "The Epic of Gilgamesh" or "This Unnameable Little Broom" by the Brothers Quay. Discuss.

Housekeeping note:

2007-03-25T09:48:00.000-07:00

A field agent has reported to the I.T. staff here at the Blogazine that some browsers have been having a hard time translating the very robust Style Transfer Protocol® interface, resulting in frame crowding and loop delays and loop delays on your computer. As of now, all panels in the TransVerses Metaframe Application have been refreshed in an attempt to resolve this problem. So far, we have only seen one instance of screen fubarification due to this issue. If you or someone you love continues to experience any modification of your interface beyond the normal mind extrapolation inherent in all BigAlDente communications, please contact your local Blogazine representative by using the comment link below. We thank you for your continued patronage.

Entertainment Page: The AlDente Mash Up Spotlight

2007-03-08T18:40:00.000-08:00

Check out this great 10 minute mashup from Youtube:

From the desk ov: Thee Rev. Spook

2007-02-24T17:50:00.000-08:00

"one or none"

-by rev.spook

IT was lonely

'was'-ing cast a shadow

IT examined IT's shadow and thus became:

'thing'

once 'thing'; IT realized that through 'examination'...

IT had become 2

2 being viewed was awakened to 3

IT became aware of the fact that IT was still alone

'thing' multiplied and danced about in shadow

trying to amuse IT

IT was amused

so amused was IT that IT's attention grew a toothy-grin

'thing' was soon in a quite uncomfortable state

being grinned at and pricked here and there with needle like teeth

'thing' had nowhere to run

so 'thing' looked within and found his inner 'IT'

'thing' had found the tool necessary

to evade IT's all-encompassing maw

a mighty sword appeared to 'thing'

the sword had a name...

'ego'

ego broke many a tooth fending IT's bite off of 'thing'

soon IT's attention was on ego

this battle is still being fought today

only 'man' cloaked in shadow with

wit of IT and knowledge of 'thing'

...can neutralize the fight

*learn to stop identifying with 'form';

you are not your body.

*learn to stop identifying with 'thought';

you are not your mind.

1

-rev.spook

Exclusive news: Vilsack drops out

2007-02-23T20:44:00.000-08:00

Tom Vilsack, the man with the number five in his name, has dropped out of the race for President of the United States of America 2008: American Idol Miami. Was it too much to ask for a faint glimmer of hope in a society that is increasingly beset at all sides by right-wing rhetoric and leftist propaganda? Yes. Yes it was.

Recently, Tom Vilsack visited the staff here at TransVerses publishing to foreshadow his impending withdrawal. During a brief lunch break at what was scheduled to be a 14-hour interview, Mr. Vilsack signed a black and white headshot of himself with black Sharpie marker and handed it to an eagerly awaiting young child crippled by Polio. She thanked him and retreated into the darkness. Any conversation we were to have had from that point on was to be off-mic, off the record. However, I did have my Style Transfer Protocol a.v.p.m. device switched in the 'on' position, and captured his next words to me. He said, "BigAlDente, let me leave you with this one: A bird has a left wing, and a right wing, but they're just for flapping. The bird brain is in the middle." With that, he took a brief sip from his tumbler, removed his facial disguise ever so slightly, just enough to see his real eyes that lay beneath. He managed a quick wink that I was lucky enough to catch before turning my head. I then found that I was no longer in TransVerses studios, and in fact, not in Florida at all. The protective shields rose around the city, and the island began its nightly retreat below the lapping, dark surface of the Pacific ocean.

Tom Vilsack Update!

2007-02-03T13:39:00.000-08:00

Tom Vilsack on the daily show.

and Tom Vilsack's MySpace

2007-01-06T13:22:00.000-08:00

The Adventures of Neon Ballz

Episode 2: Neon gets a mission

Suddenly, Neon Ballz hears a sound. He is receiving another fax from the mothership. What do they want so early in the morning?!

Neon decides to finish rolling his cigarette before checking the fax. Probably just another crummy assignment anyway; Lousy fucking pinks are gonna ruin my day again.

With cigarette in hand, neon sighs and drags himself over to the fax machine. Surprise washes over him as he finds that the fax is not from the mothership at all!

MR. BALLZ,
WE ARE READY TO INFORM YOU THAT WE HAVE RECIVED INFORMATION ABOUT YOUR PAST. WE WILL BE PLEASED TO SHARE IT WITH YOU FOR THE USUAL EXCHANGE. MEET US AT LOCATION X AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.
GOLDSTAR

Well, this might shape up to be an interesting day after all. Neon grabs a 400cc ampoule of the good shit (Bustello and Zephyerhills natural spring water) and heads towards the car. Flashlight, check. Shoes, check. Gun, check. Neon Ballz is ready to roll. Its off to location X.

Featuring the work ov: Johnny Beaver

2006-12-31T05:25:00.000-08:00

"question mark"

a man without a penis sells you
a vaccuum cleaner &
the damned thing breaks after
a year and a half of hiding
in the closet.

Jose comes out of his melon
coloured house and keeps
the cats from
fucking.

you're a racist
because you can't remember
or never knew his
real name.

you're getting fat because there's
nothing else to do.

the beer here sucks.

2006-12-20T19:01:00.000-08:00

The Adventures of Neon Ballz

Episode 1: The begining

Neon Ballz is awake. He plans his next move.
(to be continued...)

"Bob" Speaks

2006-12-02T08:25:00.000-08:00

Brought to you by Ken Nordine, J.R. "Bob" Dobbs, and International Limon Holdings L.L.C.

Today's Zen Meditation:

2006-11-29T18:54:00.000-08:00

2006-11-26T14:11:00.000-08:00

It's Banantacular!

The term “Meme”, coined in 1976 by Richard Dawkins refers to a unit of cultural information that is transferable from one mind to another. Moreover, it has been suggested that memes evolve using the same process of natural selection that animals are subject to.

Case in point, the bananaphone.

Groucho Marx was the first person to be caught on film using a banana as a phone. Since that point, putting a banana to your ear has always been interpreted as an act of humor, regardless of the culture that you are in. Thus, the bananaphone meme was born.

Much like a virus, the bananaphone spent a long time in its hibernating state. Also like a virus, many were unsure at this time whether the meme was alive or dead. However, the bananaphone meme was reborn in 1994 and has since been able to reproduce it’s self in pandemic proportions.

In 1994, the album Banana Phone was released by the Canadian children’s artist Raffi. The title track, Banana Phone, is a catchy little ditty about the coolness and usefulness of the bananaphone. Similar to a banana phoenix, the bananaphone was consumed by fire and reborn out of its own ashes. Undoubtedly, it was the smoke emanating from the peel that has spread over the digital community to induce fear and respect for the bananaphone ever since.

This new incarnation of the bananaphone meme has shown to be both a creative and destructive force; the properties required to reside on the eighth point of the majikal star in our year of Eris 2012.

As the end of history approaches, evidence can be seen of humankind grasping for the bananaphone in an attempt to use the powers of the eighth point to lift them up to the saucers. See tree diagram.

However, we are not trying to influence your opinion. We are simply trying to influence your opinion. Investigate the following links and tell us how we are doing. Our bananaphone lines are open and gorillas are standing by.

Related Links:
Flash Animation #1 , Web Page #1 , You Tube Video #1 , You Tube Video #5
Flash Animation #2 , Web Page #2 , You Tube Video #2 , You Tube Video #6
Flash Animation #3 , Web Page #3 , You Tube Video #3 , You Tube Video #7
Flash Animation #4 , Web Page #4 , You Tube Video #4 , You Tube Video #8

Lip Sync Videos:
You Tube Lipsync #1
You Tube Lipsync #2
You Tube Lipsync #3
You Tube Lipsync #4

Featured werk ov: Johnny Beaver

2006-11-26T07:28:00.000-08:00

r u s t

these early evenings,
my windows are florally
frozen over
-12 in the shade;

smoking and lime-coloured
laundry
& 5 hour old pasta dishes
that seem to regenerate themselves
in the sink.

these early evenings | while the madder men
swing from steel cables
and make me think that maybe
I'm missing something.

I am and
I am not
D O I N G A N Y T H I N G
but sleeping with my eyes open
& writing the same poem
over and over again.

and now...Leftist Politics

2006-11-09T12:46:00.000-08:00

In the wake of the November 7th poll results, the staff here at BigAlDente Blogazine takes a turn for the political, with the introduction of our first overtly political coverage content. As of November 9th, word has trickled into the windstreams via Style Transfer Protocol that the very first Democrat politician has thrown his proverbial hat in the ring for the 2008 presidency. That Democrat is Iowa governor Tom Vilsack. What is his platform? What claims does he make concerning his plans for the United States? What, pray tell, is the deal with Tom Vilsack? The answer: We have no earthly idea. He has been picked by our staff for no other reason than he was the first, and our STP operators happened to notice. It should be noted that Republican Duncan Hunter of California has also announced his intentions for the presidential race, but our coin (as well as the national election) came up tails so we’re going left.

Vilsack, we hope, will provide us with postable content as we follow his story, while simultaneously launching a full scale investigation into how he is involved with the eight pointed star structure. Projections will be made, extrapolations will be calculated.

So far what we know is this: He is the Governor of Iowa. Our research department has also found that, among the ten democratic picks for president in ’08, he places dead last in favor ranking, with 1% of polled democrats favoring his Corn Flakes over Cheerios. The front runner happens to be Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton. Here is our stance on Vilsack: We have picked the underdog. However, if we base our beliefs on the idea that reality is a lie, than the opposite of reality is the truth. We have just transformed our underdog—into an OverMan. We here at the Blogazine stop short of endorsing any candidate. But since our AlDente Math department discovered the OverMan Loophole, we have no problem doing the next best thing. We execute this initial show of support with the BigAlDente seal of approval: ٭

The Back Page: October in Review

2006-10-31T11:22:00.000-08:00

The staff at the Blogazine thanks all who have read and participated in the October issue. Our contributors this month have been BigAlDente, Morgan23, and Thee Reverend Spook.

As we now hydroplane our minds headlong into the future, more secrets will reveal themselves in the tradition of the Eight Points.

The November issue will bring some short fiction, in-depth music interviews and more Etcetera Obscura.

Writers are further encouraged to submit content and, if interested, become a Member.

To obtain the status of Member is to achieve the Eighth Level. It is an achievement of degrees that requires aspirants to submit writings via e-mail. Then follows a Process that includes five gallons of Crisco and a life-size mockup of the Hungry Hungry Hippos board. The greased writer is thrown toward the center, as Holy Assistants pull the plastic levers. BigAlDente reads passages from Aleister Crowley’s “Book of Lies” aloud over a megaphone. Only know this secret if you know this secret. Don’t know what you don’t know. Only know what you know.

-BigAlDente

Wisdom submitted by: Thee Rev. Spook

2006-10-22T08:20:00.000-07:00

"more...more...more..."
-by thee Reverend Spook;
ordained minister of the universal life church,
and flagship for the exploited peoples of the world.

more on the "wild card" point of 8:
the wildcard point is a 'fnord' in and of itself;
the origin of the 'fnord' actually.

"...Fnord is an apostrophe on drugs.
Fnord is the bucket where they keep the unused serifs for H*lvetica.
Fnord is the gunk that sticks to the inside of your car's fenders.
Fnord is the source of all the zero bits in your computer."
-(quoted from the site: http://www.kbuxton.com/discordia/)

so a 'fnord' you see is like you and me;
thus the 8th point is un-veiled...
the thought of thus makes you twitch
and thrust and bite your nails.
if 'God' is 'IT' and it is 'am" then that of which
i spit 'i am'; so as birds and verbs and insect terds-
recycle through my mothers skin, i bend a light through prism sight and hint at what i am.
the hints' been dropped and ball too;
my poetry is babe ruth - knocking "rilke vs.
bukowski" outa' the ball-park; nolan ryan pitchin' a "golden delicious apple"; beaning me in the head causing massive irriatable mouth syndrome..."
(*when is someone gonna write that story anyways?*)
see what happens to the guy who stands in the "wild card spot" for too long.

anyways my point is this:
"the first truth is the same as the last truth...
what were we talking about again?"

hail eris!!! all hail discordian!!!
careful for the 8th point..it's a sharp one.
poly-hedroned worm beak sharp.

so i think it'd be interesting to see a 8pointed survey:
like-

whats the first thought that comes to mind when you hear the following words...

1.)fact
2.)fiction
3.)clarity
4.)abstraction
5.)focus
6.)release
7.)deletion
8.)'Style Transfer Protocal'

maybe...
meanwhile; back at the fall-out shelter
rev.spook finds his way....
meet you there...or here...

peace out! & blessed be!
p.s. "Brick; clean the mayonaise outa the toaster. - thanx"

and here's the definition:
n.

2006-10-20T23:31:00.000-07:00

Overcoming the Aural Fascism of Contemporary Advertising and Mass Media.
A special Goldstar Report

Have you ever turned on your television and, in the swirling confusion while the screen warms up, mistakenly thought that you had turned on your CD player? Before you disregard this simple question as a ridiculous stab at the common sense reality that you are currently engulfed in, please bear in mind that this sort of event may go unnoticed by many. We are talking about a confusion that manifests, simmers, and then dissipates in a matter of 200 milliseconds, to be immediately replaced by the blissful indulgence of finely tuned visual stimulus coupled with enticing audio cues.

Why would one make the mistake of confusing two dissimilar media sources such as a CD player and a television? The answer is simple. Aural Fascism!

The public relations industry was conceived, in it’s modern sense, during the World War I era. The successful birth of modern public relations, or PR, is often credited to their first successful campaign; the campaign that attempted to convince women that smoking cigarettes was not only alright, but in fact chic'. This campaign was an overwhelming success and the modern PR industry has flourished ever since. This first success, and every subsequent success, can be credited to a tactic known as ‘good marketing’, where marketing means a strategy that is capable of inducing (psycho/physio)logical responses in the target. All good PR can be credited to good marketing.

As the needs and desires of consumer humans (also referred to as bio-slaves) have changed over the decades, so has the marketing of various PR groups. Moreover, as the physiological triggers of the bio-slaves have changed, the strategies of the PR groups have changed to keep pace.

In the modern day, we are virtually surrounded by various tactics and derivatives of tactics used by public relations firms. PR firms are using the maximum amount of otherwise unbiased environment in an attempt to literally engulf a potential consumer. Areas of the environment currently being exploited to this end include media devices (TV, radio, newspaper, magazine, internet, etc.), advertising avenues (billboards, taxi cab ads, direct mail campaigns, etc.), endorsements (from celebrities, artists, public figures, etc.), custom goods (such as the Ben & Jerry’s Volkswagen bus, the Red Bull van, etc.) and the almighty word of mouth (such as the cigarette girls for various brands, the Captain Morgan personality, the Heineken stewardesses, etc.). However, PR firms try to go even farther than this by using strategies, such as word placement and neuro-linguistic programming, to achieve their ends. Yes, in this modern day, the strategies used by PR firms are indeed complex. This brings us to the topic of Aural Fascism.

Aural Fascism is a term, coined by Goldstar, to describe the strategy of using non-pop music in a commercial campaign as an attempt to hijack the bio-slave’s attention. This strategy has become more and more frequent over the last several years, and this is the foundation of the 200 millisecond confusion between your television and your CD player. It has been shown that a majority of people believe that the music they listen to is, at least partially, underground or independent (meaning it is unlikely to show up on TV). This notion is ultimately a relief mechanism from constantly being bombarded by ‘pop’ media, that is, PR founded media. A majority of people having a preference for non-pop music immediately leads to a catch-22. As more people listen to an independent or unaffiliated artist, that artist eventually gains enough recognition to become ‘pop’. Therefore, underground music is only truly available to the cutting edge of consumer. In an attempt to target this cutting edge of consumers, and the two or three tiers that are just underneath this target, advertisers are now using underground or independent music effectively as part of their campaigns. The examples of this strategy are too numerous to mention, but I shall mention just a few (as Artist, [Track], and Advertising campaign).

Dandy Warhols (Bohemian Like You) for General Motors,

Air (Surfin’ on a Rocket) for Nissan,

Devo (Whip it) for Proctor & Gamble,

Daft Punk (Technologic ) for the Apple iPod,

Gorillaz (Feel Good Inc.) for the Apple iPod,

B-52s (Rock Lobster) for Kmart,

Jurassic 5 (What’s Golden) for SBC/Yahoo,

Chemical Brothers (Galvanize) for Budweiser,

Iron and Wine (Such Great Heights) for Nextel,

AC/DC (Rock and Roll Ain’t Noise Pollution) for Nike,

Black Eyed Peas (My Humps) for Verizon,

Portishead (All Mine) for Victoria’s Secret,

Afrika Bambaataa (Looking for the Perfect Beat) for Visa,

Eric Dolphy (Out to Lunch) for Volkswagen,

and, the author’s personal favorite example,

Amon Tobin (Four Ton Mantis) for the new Hummer H3.

This new strategy is the next logical step for a PR industry that is running short on tricks. For the independent music aficionado, this technique is offensive at best; for the larger target of semipop-affiliated bio-slaves, this strategy has led them to possibly the best music in their bleak existence. Considering that it is a strategy aimed at one of the last known refuges of non-PR existence, it is a strategy that should be neutralized. Of course, the only way to neutralize an advertising campaign is to acknowledge it’s existence. It is the authors hope that this special report has contributed in some way to neutralizing this strategy.

All questions and comments can be directed to Weber Shandwick Worldwide, Fleishman-Hillard Inc., Hill and Knowlton, Inc., INCEPTA (CITIGATE), Burson Marsteller, Edelman Public Relations Worldwide, Ketchum, Inc., Porter Novelli, GCI GROUP/APCO Worldwide, or Ogilvy Public Relations Worldwide

Al Dente News: Someone Busts a Hole in Pablo Picasso's "The Dream"

2006-10-18T17:00:00.000-07:00

The Picasso estate may take a cue from Andy Warhol's "Shot through Marilyn" series with the latest alteration to 20th century art. Casino owner and art collector Steve Wynn, owner of the original 1932 painting "La Reve"(The Dream)by Pablo Picasso, sold the work to a buyer for $139 million. Then he put a silver dollar sized hole in it with his elbow and said, "Oh Shit!". Our sentiments exactly.

In an obvious attempt to mimic editor BigAlDente's wild communicative gesticulations when in the spiritual "TransVerses" mode, Wynn was showing off the painting to some friends in his office. He is known to "speak with his hands", and the official story is that he was too close to the painting to avoid elbow collision. As many readers well know, to mimic the "TransVerses" gesticulations of BigAlDente has been known to cause random and unpredictable bodily and extrabodily reactions when not executed under the precise tutilage of BigAlDente. His peripheral vision may have been reduced due to this effect. However, a condition called retinitis pigmentosa, which also effects peripheral vision, has been named as a possible cause.

Wynn will not hold the buyer to the sale. He will keep the painting and fund its repair.

source: AP

Reviewing the work of: Jan Svankmajer: "Food"

2006-10-16T09:29:00.000-07:00

The layman's idea of the work of Jan Svankmajer, based on available information, would set the expectations of a Tool video's stop motion puppetry with dark imagery with tones of urban and biological decay. A twisted surrealism permeates the modern stop-motion aesthetic. It is indeed certain that Jan Svankmajer's work accentuates these dark surrealist tones. However, he is seen by many in the stop motion animation world as a founding father of the genre (he has influenced artists from Tim Burton to The Brothers Quay), and has constantly exceeded the boundaries of what is expected of the artform with his use of live action, non-puppet animation, and even narrative dialogue.

"Food"(1992) Immediately assaults the visual sense with a quick succession of pictures of - well, food and slams the watcher right into the first "movement" of the piece, entitled "Breakfast". In what may be the best of three vignettes due to its total lack of spoonfed explanation of motivation a man seats himself before another, motionless individual. The clothing all throughout the piece is drab and grey, matching the sparse and dingy room. This image repeats in Svankmajer's work.

The motionless man is an automaton, and during "Breakfast" we learn a cyclical lesson about the relationship between the real and the inanimate.

"Lunch" follows. At the risk of spoiling, suffice it to say, two men eat each other.

"Dinner" is a twist that reassures the watcher that humor is indeed a pillar of surrealism; a point often forgotten in favor of the darker stop motion style of decaying doll heads and meat being pushed through drainage pipes.

Svankmajer is an innovator. In the silence of dignified quality he has set off an explosion of influence that echoes in today's music videos, children's cartoons, and television commercials. We can take refuge in the knowledge that establishment media has roots in the surreal.

Enjoy the first movement of the reviewed work: "Breakfast", part of Jan Svankmajer's "Food".

A little info on the 8-pointed star

2006-10-14T08:26:00.000-07:00

Some may extrapolate a relationship between the Blogozine 8-pointed star, and another, well, GOLDstar that one might find whilst sailing the solar wind.

We, the editing staff at BigAlDente Blogozine are here to confirm and dispell some frequently constructed theories surrounding the 8-pointed star, its uses and associations.

The editor-in-chief, BigAlDente, does profess certain genetic synchronizations that irrefutably connect him with Goldstar. However, due to some very specific N© laws, coupled with licensing restrictions embedded in our usage contract with Style Transfer Protocol®, we can assure you that our 8-pointed star has only a loose association with Goldstar, its agents, meat products, and designer coffee mugs.

The 8-Pointed star will reveal itself to you.
Its 8-Points represent, in counterclockwise fashion, the point of fact, point of fiction, point of clarity, point of abstraction, point of focus, point of release, point of deletion and the wildcard point which, when accessed through Style Transfer Protocal, allows the reader to change all other points to whatever description and in whatever order desired, except the wildcard point, the point of chaos.

2006-10-13T21:16:00.000-07:00

The BigAlDente Blogozine

There is no more waiting

No more time to ponder innovation

While gristle and coffee brew on the idiot box.

Now is the only thing that's real

--we begin--